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It’s tragic. The depths in which we abhor our own skin, our bodies, the flesh which we mold from the inside-out. We take tiny metal prongs, press them against our skin to yank out tiny unwanted hairs from our faces. We slather on wide strips of wax, hot glue on flesh, and hope to God that if we rip it away quickly enough the stinging won’t be as severe. Or, like myself, disconcerted with the dark fuzz on my upper lip, fearing that I might out-mustache a future crush, I got my lil stache threaded, pulled out row by row by a woman and a looped piece of thread. It hurt, but I guess it was worth it for all those hordes of men who want some of this. Right? I mean, all of them lined up outside my home and office in Chittagong. That’s who we do it for, isn’t it? Not so much for ourselves, but for those who have to look at us, because their eyes and inherent judgment always means more than we think it would.
Lots of readers stumble upon this blog through various search queries, most of them are totally odd and hilarious. The top query that brings people here as been, obviously, “amy adoyzie.” But disconcertingly enough, two of the top five queries have to do with eyelids, per this post.
It was written almost two years ago when I used to live in Huarong, PRC. As there was nothing much to do in rural China, I’d go to the one-kuai shop (kinda like the 99 cents store) and peruse their various cheap offerings. On this particular day, I went home with a small package of eyelid stickers that Asian folks wear to give the appearance of the much coveted “fold.” To have eyes that belied their chinky selves, to make them look bigger, more western.
Number 2 and 4 of the all time queries that bring folks to my blog are:
epicanthic fold
All of this from one silly post. It keeps getting more unsettling. Just recently these queries showed up:
super glue eyelid
All over Asia-east, southeast, south-the majority of women share a common cosmetic obsession: white skin. A leftover from colonialism, a result of mass-media brainwashing, steeped in classist socialization about how dark-skin folks are working-class laborers and fair-skin people pop white collars- but ultimately it’s mired in self-hate. It’s the bleaching of one’s skin, the very shell of who we are, blanched until all of our color, our histories, our struggles fade to turn into a homogeneous pale mass/mess. It is too often that I have to remind students, and my own mother, that they are not too dark, that their skin tone is deep with color. That their skin is their skin, that they shouldn’t let a corporation who profits on self-hate tell them otherwise.
I’m equally confounded by the legions of east Asians who want to cut their eyelids. Ones’ eyes, even if they are small and slanted, are said to be the windows to one’s soul. And you want to take a machete to it? Slice it open at the top to ostensibly let in more light?
Don’t you know that the light comes from within?
To whomever stumbled upon my blog with the following query, thanks for allowing me a hopeful moment that we are not always mired in self-hate.
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[...] on how to cut up your eyeball. *Sighs* If that's the case, can I also implore you to read this: Big Bang: Self Hate Crime] Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Huarong Home: Superhero EyelidsBig Bang: [...]
Pingback by Huarong Home: Swords and Eyelids « Amy Adoyzie October 5, 2009 @ 5:28 amJust as Americans want to have golden skin, we Asians want pale skin.
Comment by Anon February 3, 2010 @ 10:45 pmNo, it Is not because I want to be “white”, but because I look terrible tanned. Trust me, I have seen myself tanned from when i was younger. The dark complection paired with my black hair and dark brown eyes didn’t look exactly pretty. My tanned skin is a mud colour. I do not become golden and bronzed like my friends, a rather nice shade, so I just keep myself pale. I don’t use soaps or bleaches, treatments. I just keep out of the sun which is rather easy as I’m not an oudoor person.
I would rather not look bad when I walk around in public, you know?
So just keep saying that we Asians are still stuck with the idea of white skin, because of the Europeans and Americans, when even before them, pale skin was admired, when Many Americans are obsessed with getting large breasts and have a want for tan skin.
Actually in most Asian cultures, pale/white skin has always been preferred and considered beautiful… That has NOTHING to do with westerners. Proof? Old asian art and make up styles. Look at Japanese and Chinese art, women are usually painted white or with very pale skin. Same in my culture, even before we had any contact with western foreigners, white skin was always preferred because it made girls seem more innocent, clean and pretty.
Comment by Miki September 29, 2010 @ 12:27 amOh and one more thing, you don’t have to have “chinky” eyes to be asian. I have natural double eyelids and I am 100% asian, and so are some other asians. Don’t be hatin’ on us just because we magically look like white people, and I know for a fact that a lot of my friends and cousins who are also asians don’t want large eyes to look WHITE, they want to look like the other asians like me who were BORN naturally with double eyelids. (:
Comment by Miki September 29, 2010 @ 12:29 amHi, thanks for the comments.
Firstly, yes, it’s not just about looking “western,” but you have got to be kidding yourself if you don’t think there’s a component of self-loathing due to the color of our skin. And to say it has “NOTHING” to do with westerners is just naive. Granted, the want for pale skin has been around for thousands of years, but it’s not as simple as wanting to look “innocent, clean and pretty.” It’s about class too, because those who have dark skin are the laborers and those who have pale skin are considered to be better looking because of the connotation that they must be of a higher class.
To think that the color of one’s skin does not have socio-political implications is just plain wrong. In reference to the portrayal of the women painted with white skin, it’s just a classist portrayal of the ideal beauty standard.
Also, I’m aware that you needn’t the single eye fold to be Asian, I’m not hating on anyone because I, too, have the natural double fold. Again, it’s naive to think that there is nothing about wanting to “look white” in getting the surgery to have double-lid. I’m not saying it’s all about it, but I think that it contributes to the standard of beauty that encourages such types of cosmetic surgery.
Comment by amyadoyzie September 29, 2010 @ 12:37 amHi!
I made a tiny dissertation last year at university, the main discussion was the different beauty cannons from the world, we have to pick one in especiffic, i choose Japan (i’m latinamerican), what i found out about skin was about classes too but it has nothing to do with western or mass-media, what i read was about “completely pale, never been sunkissed, castle imprisoned royalty ladies” in contrast with constant sun exposed worker ladies. Soo when the first rarely hit the “real world” both men and women admire their looks, beeing atraccted in the case of men, or looking up at the “status” by the women. And the same applies to the tiny and fragile body japan adores in woman.
i Think that western inlfuence only reinforce what already was hard into the depths of the japanese culture, but it is still an self-imposed beauty canon which is not to blame to occidental culture.
i do think the double eyelid is pretty much an occidental influence that i don’t really understand, well actually i do “understand” but not really like: just as there are asians with sigle-folded eyelid unhappy with them, there are lots of double fold “eyelidded” occidentals with eyes that aren’t beautiful (normal, ugly, weird, sagged, etc)
it’s not the fold: it is the shape; the way one glance, gaze or look at the world (seductive, cheerful, whatever); it’s the lashes and brows; the color; and make-up work what makes eyes so beautiful, inspiring and incredible.
i’m tired of writing lol. Kisses
Comment by Fernando Andrés Aróstica Romero October 5, 2011 @ 6:21 am